Reasons not to call 911

In what will no doubt be another failed attempt at regular blogging, here, as a public service, is a list of reasons not to call 911:

• You've had a bad run at the slots;
  
• Subway forgot the special sauce;
  
• You can't get a refund for condoms.

The above list is just from this month - I shudder to think what I'd find if I actually did any research.